Dealing with bullies can be frustrating. You may be tempted to lash out, but that often does more harm than good. A better approach is to use clever, witty comebacks that put bullies in their place without stooping to their level.
In this post, we provide 62 good roasts you can use against bullies. Having a repertoire of snappy retorts ready will help you quickly shut down bullying behavior. These comebacks aim to point out the bully’s own insecurities and flaws in humorous ways.
So without further ado, here are 62 good roasts for putting bullies in their place!
62 Good Roasts For Bullies
1. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were an expert on my life.”
2. “The only thing wrong with me is that I’m talking to you.”
3. “I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes.”
4. “Your voice is proof that mute buttons are essential.”
5. “I don’t take advice from people who aren’t at my level.”
6. “I was today years old when I realized I didn’t care about your opinion.”
7. “I’m not a mirror, but you seem to see a lot of your flaws in me.”
8. “My hair is straighter than your facts.”
9. “Sorry, I’m allergic to bullies.”
10. “I keep thinking you can’t go any lower, and you keep surprising me.”
11. “I’m not a library book. I don’t need you to explain my story.”
12. “Your drama is right there, but I’m going this way.”
13. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-nonsense dictionary at home.”
14. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”
15. “Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain back there.”
16. “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
17. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.”
18. “I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to you all I want because I assume you deserve it.”
19. “It’s not Halloween, so why do you keep acting like a monster?”
20. “I’d help you out, but it seems you’ve got plenty of ‘ugly’ covered.”
21. “It’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.”
22. “You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take a day off?”
23. “Our school’s anti-bullying campaign just got a new poster child.”
24. “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.”
25. “Oh, are you talking to me? I thought there was a sad little echo in here.”
26. “I’m not saying you’re a bully, but if you were on TV, you’d be the reason we have the ‘villain’ category.”
27. “You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
28. “You should really come with a warning label.”
29. “I would answer you back, but that would be unkind to the intellectually challenged.”
30. “I’m busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”
31. “I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.”
32. “Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?”
33. “Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
34. “I’d love to have a battle of wits with you, but I never attack someone who’s unarmed.”
35. “Is your ass jealous of all the crap that just came out of your mouth?”
36. “If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.”
37. “I believe in respect for the dead; in your case, I’m willing to make an exception.”
38. “I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
39. “Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.”
40. “You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.”
41. “I didn’t change. I grew up. You should try it sometime.”
42. “I’m sorry, was I supposed to be offended? The only thing offending me is your face.”
43. “Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.”
44. “You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.”
45. “I’d insult you, but you’re not bright enough to notice.”
46. “If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
47. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
48. “The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.”
49. “I’m visualizing duck tape over your mouth.”
50. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
51. “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
52. “You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.”
53. “Brains aren’t everything. In your case, they’re nothing.”
54. “I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?”
55. “You are the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
56. “I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.”
57. “You should carry a plant around to make up for all the oxygen you waste.”
58. “Your face makes onions cry.”
59. “You’re so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it refused to come back.”
60. “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
61. “I’m not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun and not you.”
62. “You’re not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.”
How to Roast Bullies?
Below are just the explanations of the responses that were listed above.
1. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were an expert on my life.”
Use this sarcastic comeback to point out that the bully doesn’t actually know anything about you or your life. It implies their criticism comes from a place of ignorance.
2. “The only thing wrong with me is that I’m talking to you.”
This witty response suggests the bully is the problem, not you. It turns the criticism back on them by implying interacting with them is the only issue.
3. “I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes.”
This roast implies that the bully’s very existence was a divine error. It’s an exaggerated way to dismiss their judgement and suggests their words are meaningless.
4. “Your voice is proof that mute buttons are essential.”
A clever way to reject the bully’s opinions is to say their voice itself is proof of the need to ignore people. It implies their words lack value.
5. “I don’t take advice from people who aren’t at my level.”
This comeback asserts the bully is beneath you. It’s a dismissive way to reject their criticism and paint them as unqualified to judge you.
6. “I was today years old when I realized I didn’t care about your opinion.”
Suggesting you only just realized you don’t care what the bully thinks pokes fun at the insignificance of their perspective. It implies their views are irrelevant.
7. “I’m not a mirror, but you seem to see a lot of your flaws in me.”
This witty response accuses the bully of projecting their own insecurities onto you. It implies their criticisms say more about them than you.
8. “My hair is straighter than your facts.”
Accusing the bully of not having the facts straight casts doubt on their judgement. This comeback asserts their criticism is baseless.
9. “Sorry, I’m allergic to bullies.”
This flippant remark dismisses bullying behavior as something you reject on principle. It makes light of their attempt to get under your skin.
10. “I keep thinking you can’t go any lower, and you keep surprising me.”
Expressing exaggerated disappointment suggests their behavior has sunk below your already low expectations. It asserts moral superiority.
11. “I’m not a library book. I don’t need you to explain my story.”
This witty line asserts that the bully doesn’t know you or what you’ve been through. It rejects their judgement and criticism.
12. “Your drama is right there, but I’m going this way.”
Dismissing bullying as petty drama paints the bully as attention-seeking and not worth engaging with. Walking away denies them power.
13. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-nonsense dictionary at home.”
This clever insult suggests trying to reason with the bully is impossible. It implies communicating with them requires “translating” their nonsense.
14. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”
This accuses the bully of being extremely ignorant while feigning admiration for their supposed “happiness.” It mocks their judgement.
15. “Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain back there.”
Suggesting the bully lacks intelligence pokes fun at their intellect. This comeback dismisses their perspective as uninformed.
16. “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
This roast compares the bully to garbage that needs taking out. It demeans them by equating them with something disposable.
17. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.”
Implying the bully has mental health issues too complex to understand asserts their criticism comes from a place of dysfunction.
18. “I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to you all I want because I assume you deserve it.”
This exaggerated threat sarcastically suggests you can bully them back since they “deserve” bad karma. It mocks vengeful attitudes.
19. “It’s not Halloween, so why do you keep acting like a monster?”
Comparing their behavior to that of a scary monster casts them as needlessly frightening and malicious. It’s a dramatic accusation.
20. “I’d help you out, but it seems you’ve got plenty of ‘ugly’ covered.”
This clever response sarcastically offers to assist with insults after the bully has already demonstrated extensive “expertise” in ugliness.
21. “It’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.”
This patronizing comeback mocks the bully’s intellectual capabilities. It implies they lack the capacity to make informed judgments.
22. “You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take a day off?”
Suggesting the bully take time off from stupidity sarcastically implies they are idiots all the time. It urges them to give it a rest.
23. “Our school’s anti-bullying campaign just got a new poster child.”
This comeback satirically crowns the bully the “poster child” for initiatives against bullying. It highlights their own negative behavior.
24. “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.”
Saying you never asked their opinion asserts it’s unsolicited and unwanted. This remark dismisses their perspective as irrelevant.
25. “Oh, are you talking to me? I thought there was a sad little echo in here.”
This mocks the bully by feigning confusion and implying their voice is meaningless background noise. It rejects their words.
26. “I’m not saying you’re a bully, but if you were on TV, you’d be the reason we have the ‘villain’ category.”
While avoiding outright name-calling, this comeback compares them to an obvious media antagonist. It highlights their bullying tendencies.
27. “You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
This backhanded compliment snarkily suggests the bully occupies a position just slightly above the “dumbest” person. It questions their intelligence.
28. “You should really come with a warning label.”
Suggesting the bully needs a warning label humorously casts their behavior as potentially hazardous. It cautions others against engagement.
29. “I would answer you back, but that would be unkind to the intellectually challenged.”
This clever response takes the high road by refusing to spar, while still mocking the bully’s intelligence and judgment skills.
30. “I’m busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”
Dismissing the bully as not worth your time denies them the attention they likely crave. This signals their words don’t affect you.
31. “I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.”
This clever remark implies the bully is too dumb to understand an explanation. It suggests communicating with them would be like talking to a child.
32. “Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?”
This exaggerated roast humorously suggests the bully’s lack of attractiveness requires official government approval. It mocks their appearance.
33. “Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
This vicious roast implies the bully’s birth was a mistake. It suggests their existence is a manufacturing mishap.
34. “I’d love to have a battle of wits with you, but I never attack someone who’s unarmed.”
This clever comeback asserts the bully lacks the intelligence for a debate. It portrays them as defenseless against verbal sparring.
35. “Is your ass jealous of all the crap that just came out of your mouth?”
This vulgar comeback asserts the bully is spouting nonsense. It compares their words to literal excrement in an extreme accusation.
36. “If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.”
This crude remark also compares the bully’s voice to flatulence. It implies their perspectives are worthless and should be ignored.
37. “I believe in respect for the dead; in your case, I’m willing to make an exception.”
While this violent threat should never be acted upon, it does mock the bully by sarcastically feigning a lack of respect.
38. “I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
This clever response mocks the bully by comparing them to an animal too pathetic to hit. It dehumanizes their behavior.
39. “Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.”
This insult accuses the bully’s entire family of being jerks. It implies poor behavior runs in their genetics.
40. “You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.”
Suggesting even the bully’s own reflection can’t stand to look at them is a creatively exaggerated way to mock their looks.
41. “I didn’t change. I grew up. You should try it sometime.”
This comeback asserts the bully is immature and encourages them to gain some emotional maturity. It takes the high road.
42. “I’m sorry, was I supposed to be offended? The only thing offending me is your face.”
Dismissing their attempt to be hurtful while throwing in an appearance insult is a smooth yet piercing comeback.
43. “Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.”
In a legal context, stupidity may be the bully’s only defense. This remark dismisses them while highlighting their lack of wit.
44. “You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.”
Comparing the bully to the iconic plastic doll is a creative way to call out their inauthentic nature in an exaggerated fashion.
45. “I’d insult you, but you’re not bright enough to notice.”
This clever line suggests insulting the bully would be pointless since their low intelligence wouldn’t allow them to realize it.
46. “If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
This accuses the bully of being fake while also mocking their looks. It suggests their appearance could use some improvement.
47. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
This backhanded compliment concedes the bully isn’t inherently stupid, but sarcasm suggests they sure seem that way.
48. “The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.”
Comparing the bully to human waste is certainly extreme, but drives home the point that they are beneath you.
49. “I’m visualizing duck tape over your mouth.”
While violent, visualizing a bully being silenced can be cathartic. This comeback gets the point across that you don’t want to hear their voice.
50. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
This clever simile suggests the bully ruins the mood of any room. When gone, the sun comes out.
51. “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
Doubled up with #31, this repeated line emphasizes how foolish it would be to reason with someone of the bully’s intellect.
52. “You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.”
This creative roast asserts the bully is evidence that humans can devolve down the evolutionary ladder, rather than progress upward.
53. “Brains aren’t everything. In your case, they’re nothing.”
This insult pays the bully a backhanded compliment, admitting brains don’t guarantee success but the bully seems to have neither.
54. “I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?”
Pretending to admire their grooming while pointing out nostril hair creatively mocks the bully’s unkempt appearance.
55. “You are the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
This clever comeback suggests the bully is responsible for diluting the human gene pool. Their existence risks degrading our shared genetics.
56. “I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.”
Vulgar but vivid, this line imagines contorting into the bully’s warped worldview by extreme self-insertion.
57. “You should carry a plant around to make up for all the oxygen you waste.”
Accusing the bully of wasting valuable oxygen casts them as a drain on the environment just by breathing.
58. “Your face makes onions cry.”
A quick but cutting comeback, saying even vegetables are brought to tears by the bully’s looks is deliciously hyperbolic.
59. “You’re so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it refused to come back.”
This clever joke suggests the bully’s face could make a boomerang abandon its own nature to avoid further exposure.
60. “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
Twisting the idea of laughter as medicine, this accuses the bully’s appearance of being so awful it has global healing powers.
61. “I’m not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun and not you.”
Informing the bully the world doesn’t actually revolve around them is a scathing way to knock down any notions of self-importance.
62. “You’re not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.”
This backhanded compliment acknowledges the bully exceeds negative expectations. Their awfulness is under-exaggerated.
FAQ
FAQ 1: How can I support my child who is being bullied at school?
It can be tough when your child is facing bullying. The best thing is to let them know you are there for them. Ask them to tell you about the situation and how it makes them feel. Work together to come up with solutions, like avoiding the bully and sticking with friends. You can also talk to school administrators for help controlling the bullying. With your support, the situation can improve over time.
FAQ 2: What are some good comebacks for a girl dealing with bullies?
Clever words can combat bullying for girls. Try using roasts that point out the bully’s own flaws with humor. For example, “I’m sorry, I don’t speak bully” ignores their insults. Or say “I’d help you out but it seems you’ve got plenty of ugly covered” to highlight their unkindness. Practice responses like these to shut down bullies swiftly.
FAQ 3: Should I seek counseling for my child who was bullied?
If your child faced extreme, ongoing bullying it may have done lasting emotional damage. Consider having them see a counselor or therapist. Talking through the experience with a professional can help process the pain and trauma. They can learn healthy ways to build back confidence and self-esteem weakened by bullying. Together you and the counselor can guide your child towards inner peace and recovery.
FAQ 4: What do I do if my friend is bullying others?
First make your friend aware that their actions are wrong. Explain how bullying can severely impact victims. Encourage them to reflect on why they feel the need to put others down. Set boundaries and don’t participate in the bullying yourself. If the behavior continues, you may need to reconsider the friendship, as hard as that may be. Your values matter too.
