How To Respond To An Ex Asking How You Are?

Getting a message out of the blue from an ex can leave you feeling confused and emotional. You find yourself wondering why they are reaching out, what their intentions are, and how you should respond.

Should you ignore them? Be friendly? Or tell them to leave you alone? With so many potential motives behind their “how are you?” text, it’s normal not to know how to react.

This comprehensive guide will walk you through 66 responses to an ex asking how you are. We’ll provide example texts for every situation – whether you want to rekindle things, establish boundaries, or avoid contact altogether.

You’ll also find tips to consider before replying and how to match the tone of their message. By the end, you’ll know exactly what to say when your ex gets in touch unexpectedly.

How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are

When deciding how to respond to an ex, there are a few key things to keep in mind:

Consider Your Emotional State

Take some time for self-reflection before replying. How do you currently feel about this person reaching out? Are old wounds still fresh or have you healed and moved on? Prioritize your mental health and don’t feel pressured to respond right away if you need more time.

Think About the Relationship Dynamic

What kind of relationship did you have in the past, and how did it end? Was it a mutual breakup on good terms or an unhealthy situation you needed to escape? This context can help shape your response and boundaries.

Decide What You Want

Figure out your ideal outcome before crafting a reply. Do you want to reconcile, establish a friendship, keep things cordial but distant, or avoid contact altogether? Having a goal in mind will help guide your response.

Match Their Tone

Take cues from the tone of your ex’s message. If it’s casual and friendly, you can mirror that sentiment. If they seem sad or emotional, keep your response more neutral. Avoid sounding overly excited or enthusiastic unless that matches the tone they set.

Keep It Simple

Craft a response that’s polite but doesn’t provide too many details or overshare your current emotional state. Something like “I’m doing well, thanks for asking. How are you?” is totally fine. You don’t owe them an in-depth life update.

Consider Boundaries

It’s okay to say you appreciate them reaching out but need more space and time. Something like, “Thanks for checking in. I’m not quite ready to catch up just yet but hope you’re doing well.” This establishes a boundary if you don’t want ongoing contact.

66 Responses to an Ex Asking How You Are

Here are 66 text message examples for responding to an ex asking how you are. Use these as inspiration to craft a reply tailored to your specific situation.

If You Never Want to Speak Again

1. I’m not interested in reconnecting. Please don’t contact me again.
2. I’ve moved on and prefer not to stay in touch. I wish you all the best.
3. Please respect my wishes for no further contact. Take care.
4. I don’t think communication between us is a good idea. Best of luck to you.
5. I’d rather we don’t stay in contact. Thanks for understanding.

If The Breakup is Still Fresh

6. I’m still healing and not ready to catch up. I’ll reach out if that changes.
7. Thanks for checking in. I need more time before I can chat again.
8. I appreciate you thinking of me but I’m not in a place to talk right now.
9. The breakup is still very raw. I hope you’ll understand why I can’t talk now.
10. I’m not ready for this yet. Please give me more time to process everything.

To Politely End the Conversation

11. I’m okay thanks, but would prefer to keep our contact to a minimum.
12. I’m not comfortable catching up at the moment. Please don’t take it personally.
13. I wish you the best but don’t think more contact is good for me right now.
14. I’m doing fine but feel I need more space to move forward. I hope you understand.
15. Thank you for checking in. I’m doing alright but need to focus on myself right now.

If You Want to Remain Friends

16. It’s nice to hear from you! I’m doing great. We should meet up sometime and catch up.
17. I’m glad you reached out! I’m open to trying a friendship if you are.
18. Great to hear from you. I’m doing really well. I’d love to grab coffee and catch up as friends.
19. I’m good! It’s nice of you to check in. I’m happy we can keep in touch as friends.
20. Hey there! I’m doing really good. We should meet up for drinks soon to catch up as friends.

To Get Back Together

21. I’m doing alright. It’s funny – I still think about our good memories all the time.
22. I’m okay. Would you want to meet up to talk? I’ve been doing some thinking about us.
23. Hi there. I’m doing pretty well. It’s been hard not having you in my life. Can we meet up soon?
24. Hey! Good to hear from you. I can’t lie – I miss what we had. Are you open to talking?
25. I’m managing. To be honest, I still have feelings for you. Do you think we could try again?

If You’re Upset with Their Treatment of You

26. I’m still very hurt by how things ended between us. I need more time.
27. I’m struggling with how you treated me. Please give me space.
28. Being in touch right now just brings back too many painful memories.
29. I haven’t forgiven how you acted during the breakup. Please don’t message me again.
30. I’m still angry about the way you broke my trust. I don’t want to reconnect.

If You’ve Moved On

31. I’m happier than ever and loving life! Thanks for checking in though.
32. I’m doing great – busy with work and my new partner. Appreciate you reaching out.
33. Life’s been really good! Graduated, got a new job, and enjoying the single life.
34. I’m wonderful! Just got back from a vacation with friends. Sending you positive vibes!
35. I’ve honestly never been better. Focusing on my goals and excited for the future.

To Be Clear You Only Want Friendship

36. I’m great! Would love to be friends but just want to be clear I’m not looking for anything romantic.
37. So nice to hear from you! Let’s meet up as friends sometime. Just to be upfront, I’m seeing someone new.
38. It’s awesome you reached out! I’m happy to chat as buddies but don’t want to give the wrong idea.
39. Great to hear from you! I’m happy being friends if you are, but don’t want blurred romantic lines.
40. I’d love to catch up platonically sometime! Just want to be transparent that I’m not looking for more right now.

If You Suspect Ulterior Motives

41. I’m doing fine. To what do I owe the pleasure after all this time?
42. Interesting to suddenly hear from you…what prompted you to text me after so long?
43. I’m a bit skeptical about why you’re reaching out now. What are you hoping to achieve here?
44. I’m good. Not to be blunt, but why the random message after so many months?
45. Pretty straightforward – I’m suspicious of why you’re texting me out of the blue like this.

Give Them a Dose of Their Own Medicine

46. You know, it’s funny…I don’t seem to have your number saved anymore. Who is this?
47. Sorry, I don’t have this number saved. Remind me who you are again?
48. I’m doing amazing, thanks for asking! I’m just so busy right now, gotta run!
49. Life’s great! I actually just met someone incredible. We’re so happy 🙂 What’s new with you?
50. I’m wonderful, thanks! Just got back from an amazing first vacation with my new partner.

If You Want Closure

51. I’m still confused about how things ended between us. Can we talk in person to get closure?
52. To be honest, I could use some clarity on what went wrong. Want to meet up and discuss?
53. Thanks for reaching out. Do you think we could meet up soon? I still have some lingering questions.
54. It’s nice to hear from you. I know this is out of the blue, but I’d love the chance to talk things through.
55. I’m okay, but could really use some insight into what happened with us. Are you open to chatting?

If You’re Worried About Them

56. I’m alright, how are you doing? I know the breakup was hard for both of us. Sending hugs.
57. Thanks for checking in on me. I hope you’re taking care of yourself too. Let me know if you need an ear.
58. I really appreciate you reaching out to me. Breakups aren’t easy, but we’ll both get through this.
59. I’m getting by. Hope you’re doing okay too. Breakups can be so tough emotionally. Wishing you the best.
60. I’m hanging in there. Just want you to know I’m here if you need someone to talk to during this difficult transition.

If There’s Something You Need To Tell Them

61. There’s been something weighing on me that I’d like the chance to talk to you about. Can we meet up?
62. I’m doing fine. There’s just something that happened I feel I should tell you in person. Are you free to chat?
63. I’m okay. I don’t think texting is the best place for this, but there’s something important I should share with you.
64. Thanks for checking in. I’m doing alright. I just need to discuss something with you – any chance we could meet up briefly?
65. I appreciate you reaching out. Is there any way we could meet in person soon? There’s some news I’d like to share directly with you.

If You Genuinely Don’t Know How to Respond

66. I’m honestly not sure how to respond right now. I think I just need some time to think.

FAQs

How do I respond if I’m in a new relationship?

If you’ve started dating someone new, you can let your ex know in a polite yet boundary-setting way. For example, “Thanks for checking in. I’m doing well and have recently started seeing someone new. I hope you’re taking care good care of yourself.”

What if my ex wants to get coffee and catch up?

Unless you’re open to friendship, it’s okay to politely decline by saying something like, “Appreciate the invite, but I don’t think meeting up is the best idea for me right now.” Suggest keeping things cordial from a distance instead.

Should I respond if the breakup was traumatic?

If contact with your ex is traumatic or violates your boundaries, feel empowered to ignore their message for the sake of your mental health. You can also reply requesting no further contact. Do what’s healthiest for your healing.

What if I’m worried my ex is struggling emotionally?

You can display compassion while still maintaining healthy boundaries. For example, “Thanks for checking in. I hope you’re taking care of yourself during this difficult transition. Wishing you the best moving forward.”

Can I ask why they decided to text me out of nowhere?

If you’re looking for clarity on their motives, you can politely ask something like, “I appreciate you reaching out, but I have to admit I’m curious what prompted you to text me after all this time?” Gauge their reply before sharing too much.

How do I prevent texting with my ex from becoming a habit again?

After a thoughtful yet brief reply, avoid getting sucked into an ongoing conversation. Politely wrap things up or let their text be the final exchange. Maintaining healthy emotional distance is key to not falling into old texting habits.

Is it a good idea to respond right away when your ex texts you asking how you are?

It’s generally not a good idea to respond instantly when your ex texts you after a breakup or long period of no contact. As a relationship expert advises, take some time to process your feelings and calm any emotions before crafting a thoughtful response. Give yourself space – there are no set rules on response time. Use the opportunity to check in with yourself, and respond when you feel ready. This could mean waiting a few hours, days, or longer. Avoid reacting out of raw emotion.

What’s the best way to respond on social media when an ex comments asking how you are?

Speaking to a relationship coach is wise if your ex contacts you on social media after your breakup. Most advise keeping any response short and neutral. For example, a simple “I’m doing well, thanks” suffices without oversharing details about your life or feelings. Deflect and change the topic if needed. Limiting contact is wise during the healing process. Ultimately, if you need distance, don’t feel obligated to respond at all online. Do what’s best for your mental health.

My ex messaged me after 6 months no contact asking how I am. Is this a sign they want me back?

Don’t assume your ex’s motives prematurely if they text you after a long period of no contact post-breakup. As one relationship expert explains, it could be a genuine friendly check-in or they may have an agenda. Observe your ex’s pattern of communication and actions over time to better gauge their intentions before getting your hopes up. Proceed cautiously and focus on your needs and healing first. If you want them back, take it slowly.

The Bottom Line

Knowing how to respond when an ex asks how you’re doing can be complicated. There are many potential motives behind their message and courses of action to take. Always prioritize your emotional well-being and boundaries above all else. Hopefully these 66 examples and tips will help guide your reply, so you can handle their unexpected text gracefully.