Siblings have a unique relationship built on years of childhood memories, inside jokes, and good-natured bickering. While you love your sister dearly, she probably knows how to push your buttons better than anyone else.
When the teasing goes a little too far, it helps to have some clever comebacks ready to roast your sister and remind her who’s boss. This guide will provide you with 47 funny, sarcastic, and savage roasts to put your sister in her place during your next spat.
Roasts To Say To Your Sister
1. You’re the human version of a participation award.
2. I’m glad we’re related so I have someone to make me look good in comparison.
3. You have the personality of a wet paper towel.
4. You’re as sharp as a bowling ball.
5. I’d insult you but nature already did.
6. You bring everyone joy when you leave the room.
7. I’d tell you to get lost, but I see that has already happened in your head.
8. You have just enough brain cells to breathe.
9. Your birth certificate is just an apology letter from the condom company.
10. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
11. I’d smack you but that would be animal abuse.
12. You’re dumber than a box of rocks.
13. I’m not saying you’re stupid, but you do have two brains – one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
14. I can’t even call you ugly because that would be offensive to ugly people.
15. You bring a whole new meaning to the term ‘dimwit’.
16. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
17. I don’t know what makes you so stupid but it really works.
18. I’d insult you but I’m afraid you wouldn’t understand.
19. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers and the middle one is for you.
20. You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
21. I forgot to insult you today – remind me tomorrow.
22. You’re impossible to underestimate.
23. If my dog had your face, I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backward.
24. I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
25. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.
26. Apologies if my calling you stupid came as a shock; I really thought you already knew.
27. You’re a perfect blend of attractiveness and acumen… Oops, my apologies, I though we were joking.
28. I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
29. You’re the reason they invented double doors.
30. If you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.
31. I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.
32. You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.
33. You’re the missing link that proves humans evolved from apes.
34. I’d slap you, but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
35. You’re so vain, you probably think this roast is about you.
36. I’d tell you to go get a life, but I don’t think they’re available in your size.
37. If you were on fire, I wouldn’t even pee on you to put it out.
38. You’re like Monday mornings – nobody likes you.
39. I’d call you a donkey but that would be an insult to donkeys.
40. You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.
41. If my dog had a face like yours, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backward.
42. Don’t feel sad, that’s just your face.
43. You’re the reason our parents drink.
44. I forgot my phone number, can I have yours?
45. You’re so real, even Barbie is jealous.
46. You bring so much joy when you leave the room.
47. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
What to Say to Roast My Sister?
Below are just the explanations of the responses that were listed above.
1. You’re the human version of a participation award.
Inform your little sister that she’s like a participation award – recognized just for showing up, not for any real talent or achievement. A good roast to take her down a notch.
2. I’m glad we’re siblings so I have someone to make me look good in comparison.
Remark to your sister that having her around makes you look better by comparison since she doesn’t measure up. A backhanded compliment highlighting her flaws against your strengths.
3. You have the personality of a wet paper towel.
Tell your sister her personality is as weak and boring as a limp, damp paper towel. She lacks any unique or vibrant traits according to this roast.
4. You’re as sharp as a bowling ball.
Explain that she’s slow-witted and dense like a bowling ball. This clever roast suggests your sister is the opposite of sharp or intelligent.
5. I’d insult you but nature already did.
Inform your sister that mother nature beat you to insulting her by making her naturally unattractive or unappealing. A witty roast she can’t refute.
6. You bring everyone joy when you leave the room.
Remark people feel relief and joy when your sister exits the room because her annoying presence is so grating. This roast implies no one enjoys being around her.
7. I’d tell you to get lost, but I see that has already happened in your head.
Observe that your sister seems lost mentally already, so telling her to get lost would be redundant. A clever roast calling out her confusion.
8. You have just enough brain cells to breathe.
Inform your sister she has barely enough brain capacity for essential bodily functions like breathing. A funny way to call her an idiot and roast her intelligence.
9. Your birth certificate is just an apology letter from the condom company.
Tell your sister her birth certificate is essentially an apology from the condom company for their product failing and leading to her regrettable birth. A savage roast suited for siblings who can take a joke.
10. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
Bluntly tell your sister you’d rather hear your own farts than listen to her speak, since what comes out of her mouth is just as unpleasant as flatulence.
11. I’d smack you but that would be animal abuse.
Remark that hitting your sister would qualify as animal cruelty rather than normal sibling roughhousing because of her foolishness. A clever roast playing off the idea she has less intelligence than an animal.
12. You’re dumber than a box of rocks.
Inform your sister bluntly that she’s stupider than even inanimate objects like a collection of rocks. A good roast for siblings who regularly exchange insults.
13. I’m not saying you’re stupid, but you do have two brains – one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
Tell your sister you won’t outright call her stupid, but will point out she’s somehow misplaced one brain and the other is preoccupied searching for the missing one. A long-winded roast questioning her intelligence.
14. I can’t even call you ugly because that would be offensive to ugly people.
Explain that calling your sister ugly would insult already unattractive people, since her looks are far worse. A clever roast for siblings who can joke about appearances.
15. You bring a whole new meaning to the term ‘dimwit’.
Inform your sister she exemplifies what it means to be a dimwit. She expands the very definition with her foolishness.
16. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Remark that if laughter has healing properties, your sister’s laughably hideous face must provide excellent medicinal benefits. A clever roast for siblings who tease each other’s looks.
17. I don’t know what makes you so stupid but it really works.
Admit you’re not sure what exactly caused your sister to be so foolish, but applaud its effectiveness – whatever it was left her profoundly stupid.
18. I’d insult you but I’m afraid you wouldn’t understand.
Tell your sister there’s no point in insulting her since she’s too dim to comprehend it anyway – the insult would be wasted on her simple mind.
19. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers and the middle one is for you.
Recite this rhyme to poetically convey an obscene hand gesture directed specifically at your sister. The middle finger represents contempt.
20. You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
Inform your sister she was likely born on a highway, where wrecks occur, since she herself was clearly a mistake. A clever roast playing off the idea of an accidental birth.
21. I forgot to insult you today – remind me tomorrow.
Admit you failed to mock your sister so far today, and request she give you a reminder to do so tomorrow to make up for the lapse. A funny roast framing insults as a priority.
22. You’re impossible to underestimate.
Tell your sister she’s so inept that any assumption about her abilities would overestimate her. There’s no limit to how little anyone should expect of her.
23. If my dog had your face, I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backward.
Explain that if your dog had such an ugly face as your sister, you’d make him walk face-first into his rear just to look better.
24. I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
Remark that making an unpleasant face at your sister would be redundant since her normal expression is already so repulsive.
25. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.
Mention thinking of your sister brings to mind trash needing to be discarded, because she’s essentially human refuse. Harsh but potentially funny among siblings.
26. Apologies if my calling you stupid came as a shock; I really thought you already knew.
Remark to your sister that you’re sorry if calling her stupid was surprising news – you assumed she was already aware of her lack of intelligence. A backhanded apology roast.
27. You’re a perfect blend of attractiveness and acumen… Oops, my apologies, I though we were joking.
Sarcastically tell your sister she’s so beautiful and brilliant, before pretending you didn’t realize we were trading insincere compliments. A clever roast exposing her flaws.
28. I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
Admit you can’t identify what exactly caused your sister’s stupidity, but applaud how profoundly effective it is. Whatever made her dumb, it did a great job.
29. You’re the reason they invented double doors.
Inform your sister she’s the reason double doors exist – to accommodate her massive size. A classic roast mocking her weight.
30. If you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.
Tell your sister that if she actually expressed her thoughts aloud, she’d have nothing to say since her mind is empty. A clever roast questioning her intellect.
31. I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.
Explain that you lack a sufficient number of middle fingers to fully convey the extent of your contempt for your sister. A vulgar but witty roast.
32. You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.
Remark that your sister is so inauthentic, she makes even Barbie, the ultimate plastic doll, envious. A funny roast calling out her lack of genuineness.
33. You’re the missing link that proves humans evolved from apes.
Inform your sister she exemplifies the long-sought missing link demonstrating human evolution from lesser primates. A clever nod to her ape-like qualities.
34. I’d slap you, but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
Explain you’d happily slap your sister, if it didn’t accidentally improve her awful appearance. Better to refrain than accidentally do her a favor.
35. You’re so vain, you probably think this roast is about you.
Tell your self-centered sister she likely assumes this insult is specific to her, showcasing her tremendous vanity.
36. I’d tell you to go get a life, but I don’t think they’re available in your size.
Remark that you’d urge your sister to get a life, if such a thing existed in her plus-sized proportions. A classic roast mocking her weight.
37. If you were on fire, I wouldn’t even pee on you to put it out.
Explain that if your sister were literally in flames, you wouldn’t bother urinating on her to extinguish them – a vivid demonstration of your disdain.
38. You’re like Monday mornings – nobody likes you.
Inform your sister she’s as woefully unpopular as early weekdays. A simple roast comparing her to something universally disliked.
39. I’d call you a donkey but that would be an insult to donkeys.
Tell your sister you’d compare her to a donkey, but realize even they don’t deserve that unflattering association. She’s worse than literal beasts of burden.
40. You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.
Remark that your sister is as pointlessly redundant as the silent letters in “queue” – completely useless. A clever literary roast.
41. If my dog had a face like yours, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backward.
Explain that if your dog had your sister’s ugly mug, you’d shave its rear and make it walk face-first into it, just for an improvement.
42. Don’t feel sad, that’s just your face.
Patronizingly console your sister that she shouldn’t feel sad – her frown is just her natural unpleasant expression, not any actual unhappiness.
43. You’re the reason our parents drink.
Inform your sister she’s the cause of your parents’ alcoholism. A savage roast blaming her for your parents’ coping mechanisms.
44. I forgot my phone number, can I have yours?
Ask to get your sister’s digits under the humorous pretense you lost your own number. A cheeky way to mock her appearance.
45. You’re so real, even Barbie is jealous.
Remark that your sister is so authentic, she makes the quintessential plastic doll envious. An ironic roast since she’s likely highly artificial.
46. You bring so much joy when you leave the room.
Explain your sister’s exits bring immense joy due to her awful company. Everyone feels relieved when she’s gone.
47. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
Mention thinking of your sister reminds you to discard the garbage, as she’s essentially human refuse that needs removing. Harsh sibling humor.
FAQs on Roasts To Say To Your Sister
How far is too far when roasting your sister?
Keep it light-hearted and avoid jokes about trauma, mental health, sexuality, or other sensitive topics without her consent. Gauge her reactions and stop if she seems genuinely upset.
What if my sister starts crying when I roast her?
Apologize sincerely if you think you really hurt her feelings. Explain you got carried away and didn’t mean any serious harm. Refrain from roasts for a while until she’s ready for that kind of humor again.
How can I come up with funny veggie jokes to roast my sister?
If your sister is a vegetarian or just eats a lot of vegetables, use it for funny roasts! Tell her she’s turning green from all those veggies, or that she’s growing roots since she eats nothing but plants. You can also tease her by switching out meat for veggies in common phrases. For example, instead of bringing home the bacon, ask when she’ll bring home the carrots?
What are good comebacks for my older brother’s bad jokes?
Older brothers love annoying their younger siblings with bad jokes. When he goes for a lame punchline, have a clever comeback ready. Tell him his sense of humor came from the discount joke store, or that you’d laugh but nothing’s that funny. You can also roast him with “I’m sorry, I don’t speak idiot.” Fight fire with fire by returning his bad jokes with some burns!
What are good comebacks when my sister insults my clothes?
Having a sister means you’ll hear her opinions on your outfits, whether you want them or not! When she comes at you mocking your clothes, shut her down with some fashion burns. Tell her you don’t take advice from someone who dresses in the dark. Or if she wears something loud, tell her you’re not taking critique from someone dressed by a clown. A well-placed comeback will remind her she has no room to insult your style.
Is it weird to roast my adult sister the same way I did as kids?
It’s fine to gently tease like you did growing up. But be cautious with more cutting roasts now that you’re both grown. Make sure you both still find it funny.
What if my sister takes a roast too personally?
Roasting is meant to be playful between siblings. Clarify that you were just joking around and didn’t intend real harm. Apologize if your joke crossed a line for her.
