52 Hilarious Things to Say To Roast Your Brother

Having a brother can be one of the greatest gifts in life. You have a built-in best friend who has your back no matter what. However, with such a close relationship often comes some good-natured teasing and roasting.

Roasting your brother is a fun way to bond and strengthen your connection through lighthearted jokes. The key is keeping it friendly without causing any real hurt feelings.

In this guide, I’ll provide 52 hilarious roast ideas to poke fun at your brother’s quirks and habits.

Things to Say To Roast Your Brother

1. You’re the family jester.
2. Were you dropped as a baby?
3. Did they forget to give you a brain?
4. You’re proof aliens exist.
5. You’re so dumb you’d fail an open book test.
6. You’re the least interesting person I know.
7. You have the fashion sense of a blind homeless man.
8. You’re as useless as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
9. I’m embarrassed to tell people we’re related.
10. You’re so boring you could put an insomniac to sleep.
11. I’ve met sandwiches smarter than you.
12. Did you ride the short bus to school?
13. You bring new meaning to the term ‘dead weight’.
14. You have the IQ of a paperclip.
15. I’m sorry, I don’t speak idiot. Can you translate that?
16. You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.
17. I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.
18. You have the wit and charm of a flaming bag of dog poop.
19. You have a face made for radio.
20. You’re dumber than a box of hair.
21. I’d insult you but nature already did a better job.
22. You bring shame upon our family name.
23. You’re like a slinky – not really good for much, but it does bring a smile to your face when you push it down the stairs.
24. You smell so bad skunks cross the road when they see you coming.
25. You’re as useless as a white crayon.
26. You’re proof birth control isn’t 100% effective.
27. I fart in your general direction.
28. You’re so stupid you’d trip over a cordless phone.
29. I’d call you a tool but that would imply you’re useful in some way.
30. You have a room temperature IQ – if it’s in Celsius.
31. You’re as worthless as a screen door on a submarine.
32. I’d insult you to your face but my car only has half a tank of gas.
33. If I threw a stick you’d leave.
34. You’re dumber than a vegetable.
35. You have less purpose than a plastic bag drifting in the wind.
36. You’re the reason our parents drink.
37. You’re more disappointing than an anticlimactic season finale.
38. You have the personality of a wet dishrag.
39. I’ve met pieces of toast smarter than you.
40. You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.
41. You’re the poster child for birth control.
42. You bring a whole new meaning to ‘a few fries short of a happy meal’.
43. I’d call you a tool but even tools are useful.
44. You give blondes a bad name.
45. You have less talent than an American Idol reject.
46. I bet your birth certificate was the condom company’s apology letter.
47. You’re the reason shampoo has instructions.
48. There’s no vaccine against stupidity.
49. The only thing funny about you is your face.
50. You’re as worthless as an inflatable dartboard.
51. I forgot, do I insult you here or wait until you do something stupid?
52. You’re living proof evolution can go in reverse.

What to Say To Roast Your Brother?

1. You’re the family jester.
   This roast pokes fun at your brother’s role as the family comedian or jokester. It implies he’s silly, not taken seriously and exists just for entertainment value.
2. Were you dropped as a baby?
   This accuses your brother of having potential brain damage from being dropped on his head as an infant, explaining his odd or foolish behavior.
3. Did they forget to give you a brain?
   A funny way to question your brother’s intelligence and imply he was born without common sense or basic logic abilities.
4. You’re proof aliens exist.
   This creatively suggests your brother is so bizarre he must be of extraterrestrial origin. His weirdness points to alien life.
5. You’re so dumb you’d fail an open book test.
   A clever burn meaning even with all the resources available, your brother is so unintelligent he couldn’t pass the easiest exam.
6. You’re the least interesting person I know.
   This roast says your brother leads an incredibly boring, uneventful life and has zero interesting qualities.
7. You have the fashion sense of a blind homeless man.
   A funny critique on your brother’s terrible sense of style. He dresses like someone visually impaired and destitute.
8. You’re as useless as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
   This creatively roasts your brother’s total lack of purpose or function, like an ashtray on a bike serves no use.
9. I’m embarrassed to tell people we’re related.
   A blunt roast admitting you’re ashamed to be associated with or related to your foolish brother.
10. You’re so boring you could put an insomniac to sleep.
    This accuses your brother of being incredibly dull and able to make even those with chronic insomnia fall asleep.
11. I’ve met sandwiches smarter than you.
    A silly way to call your brother dense. This suggests even inanimate sandwiches display more intelligence.
12. Did you ride the short bus to school?
    This implies your brother is so learning-impaired he had to ride the shorter special needs school buses.
13. You bring new meaning to the term ‘dead weight’.
    Here you creatively use “dead weight” to call your brother worthless, useless baggage.
14. You have the IQ of a paperclip.
    A funny way to insult your brother’s low intelligence and compare his IQ to that of a simple paperclip.
15. I’m sorry, I don’t speak idiot. Can you translate that?
    This roast pretends you don’t comprehend the “idiotic” language your brother speaks.
16. You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.
    This cleverly calls your brother extremely dumb using cosmic objects like black holes that emit no light.
17. I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.
    A condescending burn meaning that while you can explain concepts to your brother, you can’t force him to comprehend them.
18. You have the wit and charm of a flaming bag of dog poop.
    A vivid roast creatively saying your brother has the personality and appeal of feces on fire.
19. You have a face made for radio.
    This classic roast says your brother’s face looks so bad it’s best suited to auditory rather than visual media.
20. You’re dumber than a box of hair.
    A silly metaphor calling your brother more idiotic than a container full of hair.
21. I’d insult you but nature already did a better job.
    This roast says nature insulted your brother better than you ever could by making him ugly/stupid.
22. You bring shame upon our family name.
    Here you directly state your brother embarrasses and dishonors your family by his foolish actions.
23. You’re like a slinky – not really good for much, but it does bring a smile to your face when you push it down the stairs.
    This vividly compares your brother to a useless slinky toy that provides entertainment when abused.
24. You smell so bad skunks cross the road when they see you coming.
    A hyperbolic roast saying your brother’s horrific body odor repels even skunks.
25. You’re as useless as a white crayon.
    A funny metaphor roasting your brother for being as pointless as a crayon that leaves no mark.
26. You’re proof birth control isn’t 100% effective.
    A blunt burn implying your brother’s birth proves contraceptives aren’t foolproof, and he never should have been conceived.
27. I fart in your general direction.
    A silly Monty Python reference meaning you disrespect your brother so much you’d break wind in his vicinity.
28. You’re so stupid you’d trip over a cordless phone.
    This accuses your brother of being so foolish he’d manage to trip over a phone with no cord, creatively calling him clumsy and dumb.
29. I’d call you a tool but that would imply you’re useful in some way.
    This roast says calling your brother a tool would suggest he’s at least good for something, when in reality he’s totally useless.
30. You have a room temperature IQ – if it’s in Celsius.
    This cleverly insults your brother’s intelligence by saying he has an average IQ if measured in Celsius, implying it’s extremely low in Fahrenheit.
31. You’re as worthless as a screen door on a submarine.
    A funny metaphor roasting your brother for being utterly useless, like a screen door on a sealed underwater vessel.
32. I’d insult you to your face but my car only has half a tank of gas.
    This implies insulting your brother is not worth wasting the gas to drive over and do it in person.
33. If I threw a stick you’d leave.
    This compares your brother to an obedient dog who would chase after and retreat with a thrown stick.
34. You’re dumber than a vegetable.
    A silly way to call your brother less intelligent than an inanimate plant.
35. You have less purpose than a plastic bag drifting in the wind.
    This vividly states your brother serves less purpose in life than a piece of litter blowing around.
36. You’re the reason our parents drink.
    Here you directly blame your brother’s foolish behavior for driving your parents to alcoholism.
37. You’re more disappointing than an anticlimactic season finale.
    This roasts your brother as a bigger letdown than a TV show finale that lacks excitement and resolution.
38. You have the personality of a wet dishrag.
    A clever burn stating your brother is as dull and limp as a soggy cleaning rag.
39. I’ve met pieces of toast smarter than you.
    A silly roast once again calling your brother less intelligent than an inanimate object like toast.
40. You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.
    This creatively roasts your brother as pointless and nonfunctional as the silent/useless letters in the word “queue.”
41. You’re the poster child for birth control.
    This states your brother is the perfect example to advertise contraception since he demonstrates an unintended pregnancy.
42. You bring a whole new meaning to ‘a few fries short of a happy meal’.
    This uses the “fries short of a happy meal” idiom to call your brother lacking intelligence or not all there mentally.
43. I’d call you a tool but even tools are useful.
    This reiterates that calling your brother a tool would wrongly imply he serves a purpose when he is in fact useless.
44. You give blondes a bad name.
    This roast suggests your brother’s stupidity perpetuates the stereotype of dumb blondes.
45. You have less talent than an American Idol reject.
    This creatively says your brother has less talent than someone too horrendous for American Idol, a show celebrating terrible singers.
46. I bet your birth certificate was the condom company’s apology letter.
    This implies your brother was such an unwanted mistake that the condom company had to apologize for their defective product via his birth certificate.
47. You’re the reason shampoo has instructions.
    This burns your brother as so foolish he’s the reason shampoo bottles have overly simple directions printed on them.
48. There’s no vaccine against stupidity.
    This states there’s no cure for your brother’s idiocy and he’ll be dense forever.
49. The only thing funny about you is your face.
    This roasts that your brother’s face is so hideous it’s comical.
50. You’re as worthless as an inflatable dartboard.
    This compares your useless brother to a pointless inflatable dartboard that serves no function.
51. I forgot, do I insult you here or wait until you do something stupid?
    This jokingly asks whether you should preemptively mock your brother now for his imminent stupidity.
52. You’re living proof evolution can go in reverse.
    This creatively suggests your brother’s deficiency proves humans can devolve over time rather than evolve.